I was at dinner last night with friends and my father in law. My father in law has launched three children of his own on this world of ours and now is watching his 3rd grandchild head out there. He made a great comment, about he doesn't have to worry so much he can watch the girls and make comments etc. but its not his responsibility. Actually what really cracks up about this statement is that he probably worries more than he will ever tell. He is always making sure the girls have what they need, but he also made the comment to me he only hears from them when they need money. When my husband and I were newly married, he was always there for us financially. If we asked he provided, even though it may have been a bind for him. He never told us. He did at one point tell us we needed to start paying for my husbands tuition on our own, but it was to be expected.
Last night his friend made the comment that I was being such a good mother in understanding my daughter's need to go off & follow her love of dance. Supporting her financially and through this time. I almost wanted to laugh. Our daughter is our only child. We love our daughter, and want her to succeed. We don't always agree with her but it certainly is our desire to see her happy and grow into a responsible adult. When your children are at home, the last few years are so crucial in teaching them responsibility, respect for others and how to take care of themselves. You hope they have learned enough independence and confidence to succeed on their own.
I believe our world is very different than it was 30 years ago when I went off to school. I went to college, being driven by my grandmother, mother and aunt to the dorms. I had 3 boxes of stuff no suitcases. They helped me carry my boxes up, looked around and said goodbye. We had no cell phones, or computers. You could write letters, or make a traditional phone call. I was far enough away the call was long distance so it precluded making those kind of calls. Parents didn't hang around, decorate your rooms, or stay with you. I kind of felt like it was a sink or swim situation, BUT I was determined that I would swim. I had never paid a bill, my first job held that summer-2 months part time before going away to school. I didn't care about what I didn't have. I cared about what I would accomplish and do on my own. Some of us seem to have more challenges than others to succeed. I learned those challenges and how we handle them, are what make us the person we become. Many times I've wanted to curl up in my mothers or grandmothers lap and say, I'm so done with all of this, but then I look at what my grandmother accomplished and overcame in her life and realize that self pity in short spurts can feel good, but gets us no where.
So you're wondering where is this all going? Well I guess I miss my daughter. We are fortunate to be able to share a few text almost every day. Do I miss her presence and her hugs. YOU BET! Am I proud of her taking on the challenging of following her dream, living in a large city, without any real friends or family, living in a dorm that's not associated with her school, so the community feeling you get when you live in a school dorm isn't there. She is taking the bull by the horns. And I hope with all my heart she succeeds.
As a parent, I don't feel like I deserve compliments for "allowing", or helping her to go. I know from my own experiences, she would find a way to do it. With our help she has a better chance at success,but certainly its all about her. I have several friends who are all in the same boat. We all have our own ways of handling it, but its a fact that our children grow and mature(at least we hope they do).
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